I'm giving up...Sex, that is!
I became celibate because I don’t appreciate sex outside of a committed monogamous relationship. I remember thinking I’m just going to give up sex because no one deserves me. No one is worthy of my intimacy, I had been hurt and it was of my own design that I’d gotten to this point—I trusted him, I trusted him. After all I thought he was in love with me, I mean—I was in love with him...but deceit was at the center of our “relationship”. Come to think of it, our “relationship” had no actual foundation I had fooled myself to believe it was real. His lies had to taste real good rolling off those lips. I remember feeling so hurt and so naive when it ended.
WTF, how did I get here? I convinced myself that the only way for me to feel better was to stop interacting with men all together. I told God I wasn’t going to do this again, I wasn’t in a vulnerable place I was in a place where I didn’t trust men anymore. After this relationship had scarred me I decided that I should just be celibate because there’s enough women to go around out here for these men to survive without me in the mix. I’ll just concentrate on God and do some self work and all will be fine.
Thinking Of a Master Plan
So I’m really doing this [deep breath].
First and foremost I have to take my own advice to just “GO”, PERIODT!
I’d been thinking of a master plan for way too long; once I started putting the wheels in motion and planning everything seemed possible and the ideas were pouring out of my head like a running faucet. My ambition to build this brand was originally about my journey and my mistakes and my ability to evolve, grow, love myself. Then it started to become about how I could help others who may be or who’ve been in the same mental space.
What’s the big deal, everybody has sex? What you do with your body is such a personal choice, which is why when I came up with this idea I knew I’d make some people uncomfortable. Who’d of thought talking about celibacy would ruffle feathers?
All of a sudden things felt scary and my ideas were too big and too against the grain for my present space. All big, scary and hypocritical...my hopes and dreams for what I was building seemed so far away and felt so unattainable...so I began to take a step back. I know that this journey is my own and it won’t look like anyone else’s so why am I coming down so hard on myself?
Celibacy is the new Black is a movement honoring the mind, body and spirit. A brand about inspiring the people that wear it to believe in their convictions and to make positive choices for themselves. In today’s society celibacy is the last thing on people’s minds. I want to help people realize that waiting for the right time to be intimate with someone is not a negative thing. Stay tuned there’s more to come!