It seems so foreign to people when you tell them that you’re celibate, they look at you like you’re an alien. What I’ve learned is that as you journey through life, everything that is important is based on experiences that have helped shape your perspective. When I began openly talking about making “Celibacy Is the New Black” into movement, a lot of listeners were open to it. Then as I began to ask if people wanted to contribute their stories some people began to shy away. A lot of people are evolving daily into the people they want to be and how they want to be perceived in private and in the public. Sometimes this journey we’re on teaches us hard lessons about life and how we treat ourselves and how we allow others to treat us. Sometimes the lessons are easier than others, but one thing for sure is life is what we make it, our choices are ours and ours alone.

Recently I had the opportunity to connect with 3 women who were open to share their stories on celibacy and why it works for them in this day and age of sex seemingly being the only thing that matters in the world [well, at least that’s what pop culture tells us].

Consuela

Jonesboro, GA

28

Celibate Since July 2018

My decision was based on me having a conversation with God right before my 28th birthday. I asked Him why couldn't I be married by 28 with more kids and He exposed the areas in my life that still needed work on. My focus then became on becoming whole before I become a wife. God revealed to me that my husband would not be my savior, he would only be an addition to grow with what's already been placed in me. I rededicated my focus on the purpose intended for me to fulfill and in return I lost people who did not understand my position but gain more people who would pour into me when I didn't understand my position or when I couldn't see my "why" in doing what I was placed here to do.

The feeling of inadequacy and the need of dependency of man has been taken away and peace, self love and understanding were restored like never before. My decision to become celibate liberated me into becoming who I am. It allowed my true identity to become what is seen, while teaching me awareness and true love of myself. I would not sacrifice or compromise it for anything.

Maria

Detroit, MI

38

Celibate 3 1/2 years

What was your decision to be celibate?

I was in an abusive relationship. I did not realize until I was talking about it with someone that he used to rape me, I did not think of it as rape at the time because we were in a relationship. Sex has always meant to be had between two people that care for one another not used as a bargaining chip. After that relationship I wanted to take sometime to get me back and reflect on what I want from future partners.

What has been the takeaway for celibacy in your life?

I have rediscovered who I am and fell in love with me again. I used to think if a man wanted to have sex with you it meant he loved or loves you and that would validate me. By not having sex with my partner or making him wait shows that he loves and respects me and that is what I want in a future mate.

Jaz

27

Southfield, MI

It’ll be an official year come May 2019👏🏼🙌🏼 soo 9 months!

Decision to be Celibate: My values are higher than my lustrous desires. (& when I find myself in dire need that’s when toys come out to play 🤷🏻‍♀️)

Biggest outcome: Authentically knowing yourself without major distractions and building discipline is an amazing lifestyle to me. My goal is to reward my significant other when I truly feel the time is right. Having that authority and to be put on a pedestal partially because of that, is an amazingly beautiful feeling and keeps me empowered as woman.